Breakups stink, let’s face it. There are times when you can handle it on your own, and there are times when you need professional guidance to help you develop the skills necessary to slowly end the relationship. Take a look at these advice on how to stop loving someone and how to end a relationship.
How to Move on After Leaving Someone You Love
Even though your mind understands that it’s time to let go, your heart may still be holding onto someone you love. This could be due to something as minor as feeling you’ve outgrown the relationship or something more serious like physical abuse.
Regardless of your specific situation, learning how to end a relationship with someone you love is difficult. The suggestions below should give you some guidance on how to approach this in the healthiest way possible so that you can both find closure.
1. Do It Face to Face
When you’ve made the decision to end your relationship, it’s only right that you do it face to face. It’s fair to give your partner the chance to respond if they have anything to say that will help them move past the breakup.
Even though it is much simpler for you to have difficult conversations by text or phone, it is preferable to find the courage and show them respect by ending the relationship in person unless you don’t feel safe or you are afraid of their possible violent reaction.
2. Accept That You Still Love Each Other, But Your Differences Are Irreconcilable
Relationships sometimes end for other reasons than betrayal or abuse, such as an issue that can never be resolved. There is no resolution to this kind of conflict if you don’t want children and your boyfriend does.
No matter how much you may love each other, if neither person wants to be persuaded, nothing will make their preferences change. You can’t make each other happy; you can only accept that you don’t share the same goals for your life.
Realistically, you should break up with them right away. The sooner you are able to move on and find the person who wants what you want out of life, the easier it will be to accept these types of break-ups, no matter how difficult they initially are to accept.
3. Acknowledge That There is a Serious Problem in Your Relationship
It can happen gradually when a relationship turns toxic. The relationship will eventually become toxic for one or both of you, but neither of you will be aware of it as you interact and behave in certain ways. Knowing how to end a relationship while you are still in love is crucial once you realize there is no way to change the unhealthy dynamic between you.
When love is lost, endings are simple. However, if you and your partner are still in love, you must be ready for the heartache that will come after making the challenging choice. You will remain strong and focused on moving forward with your life if you constantly remind yourself of the serious issues in the relationship and the reasons why they can never work.
4. You Deserve Better
When you fear you won’t ever find a companion again, leaving someone you love is much harder. Because they are afraid of ending up alone forever, so many people continue to be in meaningless relationships. But everyone should be aware that they deserve to be treated well by the person they are dating and to have a chance at finding true love.
It’s a mistake to stick around someone who depresses you or brings out the worst in you. It will stop you from getting over the hurt this experience has caused you and from meeting the right person. Don’t look back as you leave. Have faith in your judgment that you chose wisely.
5. No Contact After the Breakup
It’s a habit to pick up the phone and call your partner whenever you’re having a problem because old habits are hard to break. You can no longer do this after calling it quits. Both of you will find it confusing because you continue to act as though you are a couple even after deciding it’s better that you are apart.
You may not be aware of it, but you are using emergencies as an justification to contact your ex. It indicates that a piece of you is still clinging to the connection and refusing to accept its end. You won’t be able to move on because of this.
After a breakup, it is advised that no contact be made for a significant amount of time. The more you think about him, the harder it will be to stop. No interaction on their social media accounts is also prohibited. If you can, delete them so that you won’t have to see their updates and photos; otherwise, they’ll just serve as a constant source of heartache due to a love that was lost.
6. Focus on Yourself
Do you want to learn the most healthy way to end a relationship while still in love? Do it by putting your attention on you rather than your ex. It’s simple to become preoccupied with concerns such as whether your ex is grieving the breakup as much as you are or how quickly he will find another relationship. But this ground is a minefield.
If you keep thinking about the issue, it will only get worse. Focusing on your recovery and your ability to emerge from the situation stronger and wiser rather than defensive and angry is the healthy way to move forward. Read some self-help books and try to pinpoint the underlying causes of the issues in your relationship so you can avoid them in your subsequent relationships.
Make improvements to your character so that you can join a joyful, loving couple.
7. Allow Yourself to Grieve
These days, we put so much pressure on ourselves to be resilient. Some people think it can be unhealthy to harbor negative emotions inside of you. You shouldn’t feel the need to hide your hurt or assume that just because it happened, you should start moving on right away.
Healing requires patience, especially if you are still in love with your ex. Set aside a specific amount of time for yourself to grieve the end of your relationship. You may cry as much as you want during this time. You can fantasize about all the ways it could have been even better while thinking back on the wonderful moments you two shared.
No matter how much time has passed—three months or a year—remember that a new day has begun. You’ll stop allowing yourself to lament your breakup or bring up your ex.
8. Don’t Try to Stay Friends
When a relationship has ended, it is not a good idea to try to keep the friendship going. Finding a way to leave someone you love is difficult, but keeping up a friendship with them only delays the moment when you can both move on. The pain of ending a relationship must be allowed to pass; it cannot be prevented or tricked out of happening.
You might even be encouraging your ex to think there’s a chance they can persuade you to take them back when you try to be friendly with them. It’s advised that you end things amicably. Keep in mind that there was a reason behind your difficult choice to end the relationship.
What is a Toxic Relationship?
On the surface, it might appear that a toxic relationship is simple to identify. Toxic relationships, however, can make matters more difficult. In this situation, if you suspect that your relationship is toxic, it might be wise to make some positive changes.
Toxic Relationships Vs Abuse & Domestic Violence
There may be some overlap between toxic and abusive relationships, but there is still a difference. In an abusive partnership, one partner is in charge at all times. An abusive partner who deliberately chooses to provoke violence and demonstrate dominance over the other partner is one who is conscious of their behavior. It might begin as emotional abuse and eventually turn physical.
Abusive relationships can be difficult to identify, but it’s crucial to understand the cycles of abuse and other forms of abuse besides physical and emotional abuse, such as financial abuse and academic abuse. Physical intimacy can be used in toxic relationships that turn abusive to continue the abuse through sexual coercion. There must be respect in any relationship.
Signs of a Toxic Relationship
Here are five signs you may be in a toxic relationship:
- Constant unhappiness: If the relationship makes you sad, angry, fearful, or resigned. Additionally, negative changes to your personality, self-esteem, or mental health can raise red flags. From feeling uneasy around your partner to clinically diagnosable conditions like depression or anxiety, these changes could occur.
- Your partner has no friends other than you: When both partners have friends and interests outside of each other, relationships are stronger. A warning sign is if your partner is controlling and prevents you from going out with friends.
- Your partner calls you names or criticizes you personally: A telltale sign that you are in a toxic relationship is when you make personal insults or minimize someone else’s character, principles, or appearance.
- Your partner constantly texts you to check-in: Sending silly memes or adorable messages to stay in touch is a good thing, but a toxic partner will use texting to manipulate you. You might be asked to text back frequently, have your location tracked, or provide visual evidence of your location by taking pictures.
- Your friends or family hate your partner: The most underrated yet crucial indication of a toxic relationship is probably how those close to you feel about your partner. Pay close attention to what your loved ones tell you and don’t hesitate to share anything with them that you feel is appropriate.
Why Leaving a Toxic Relationship is So Hard
Due to the extensive emotional effort and time invested in trying to make a toxic relationship work, leaving it can be very difficult. It might seem like you’ve failed internally or that by leaving, you’re giving up on something you worked hard to achieve. It’s important to recognize that not all toxic relationships can be saved. While there are ways to change a toxic relationship (which requires a lot of emotionally taxing work from both partners), not all toxic relationships can be saved.
Our minds and bodies are drawn to familiarity, which can keep us in unhealthy situations. It might even be harder to leave if no progress is being made because there are fewer reasons to justify remaining. The decision to leave a toxic relationship can be challenging, but it’s critical to understand all the benefits of doing so and to keep your attention on the new chance to find a partner who will make you happy.
When to End a Toxic Relationship
People tend to get stuck in patterns of relationships that can be challenging to break, but if your relationship is toxic, staying in it will only cause more harm to you. However, all abusive relationships are toxic, even though they do not necessarily involve abuse. Not all unhealthy relationships should or can be repaired. But any type of domestic abuse, whether it be physical, sexual, or emotional, ought to be a relationship-ender by default.
11 Tips for Leaving a Toxic Relationship
Even when you’re motivated to end a toxic relationship, it can be challenging to know where to start. It’s important to have a support system and find ways to improve your own self-esteem; if you feel stuck, it might be time to speak with a therapist for additional support.
Here are 11 tips for how to leave a toxic relationship:
1. Build a Support System
Going through a breakup in a healthy relationship is similar to the emotions you experience after a toxic breakup. In addition to other emotions, you’ll experience sadness, conflict, lovesickness, relief, and depression. If you were financially reliant on your ex, ending a toxic relationship can be even harder. But don’t give up hope. Focus on creating the support network you will require when you decide to leave rather than on the reasons why this will be difficult. According to research, the psychological distress that comes with adversity is reduced with the support of friends and family.1 The transition will go more smoothly for you if you have a support network.
2. Stay Firm With Your Decision to Leave
It’s broken, which is why it’s called a breakup. You’ve probably tried unsuccessfully to persuade your partner to change their behavior if you’re considering ending the relationship. If so, you’ll need to keep telling yourself that it wasn’t your fault. Even if an abusive or toxic ex changes, it is probably because of the shock of the breakup. If you reunite, there is a very high likelihood that they will resume their toxic behaviors. You must be adamant in your decision to end a toxic relationship in order to follow through.
3. Cut Off Contact
Once the relationship is over, it will be crucial for you to stop communicating with your ex. Keeping in touch with your ex makes it easier to reconcile. Emotional blackmail is a tactic used by toxic people to entice you back in. If you have shared children and must co-parent, stop all communication with your partner when you decide to split up. If so, only discuss the kids when you talk.
4. Unfollow Them on Social Media
It’s crucial to block them on your phone and find ways to avoid running into them in person because seeing your ex on social media will keep the memory of your relationship fresh. These steps will help you stop thinking about the toxic relationship and establish a firm boundary that it is over.
5. Know That You Deserve Better
A person can become depressed after receiving verbal abuse for months or years or after being told you will never find someone better; you might even start to believe it. However, this is untrue, as toxic partners use this tactic to keep their partner in the relationship by tearing down their partner’s sense of self-worth and self-esteem. Let “I deserve better!” become your daily mantra, by replacing negative beliefs about your self-worth with positive, affirming ones. For the sake of your own mental and emotional health, you must move forward.
6. Seek Professional Help from a Therapist
Depending on how serious the situation is, coming up with a game plan for ending a toxic relationship may need assistance. Finding a therapist to talk to or confiding in your family and friends can also be beneficial. Your sense of worth can be restored, and any safety concerns can be addressed with the aid of a good therapist. You can get objective advice and accountability from a therapist to help you set and stick to goals.
7. Keep a Journal of Your Emotions
You might not feel like writing about your feelings and emotions. You might be unable to concentrate due to tension and concerned that recording it might make you feel worse. Expressive writing might make you feel more anxious, scared, or upset, but fast-forward a few weeks and research shows you will probably notice both mental and physical benefits, including:1
- Fewer visits to the doctor
- Improved immune system
- Improved mood
- Better sense of well-being
- Lower blood pressure
8. Make a Detailed Plan
Make a plan for how you will navigate the breakup if you have chosen to end a toxic relationship. If you are currently unemployed, you might think about enrolling in classes, pursuing new training, or starting a job. Your freedom depends on your ability to make ends meet. Also, be sure to clearly outline your moving plans, including where you’ll go and what items you’ll bring.
9. Surround Yourself With Positivity
By surrounding yourself with positive people, eating your favorite meal, participating in your faith community, getting exercise, and doing things that make you smile, you can practice self-care. People in toxic relationships require healing, which is a lengthy process. It’s crucial to try to replace negative emotions with positive ones because being in a toxic relationship can lead to unimaginable, toxic stress.
10. Express Your Feelings
When you decide to leave your partner, it’s important to let them know how you feel. If your partner is emotionally stable, talking to them in person is best; however, if they are impatient or sensitive, writing out your feelings may be preferable.
Without placing blame, it’s critical to communicate how your partner makes you feel. Avoid phrases like, “You make me feel…” and instead express your feelings by saying something like, “I feel very sad or angry when I hear you say…” Though you have no control over how the other person will react, you do have control over how you will express your emotions (in a way that is not judgmental). Whatever their response, communicating your feelings is a crucial step in ending the relationship.
11. Stick With Your Decision
After leaving a toxic relationship, it’s common to miss the other person while forgetting the toxic aspects and remembering only the positive moments. The temptation to want the person back in your life can be strong, but remember that you made the choice to leave after careful consideration and for specific reasons.
Contact your support network; they will help you stay committed to your choice. Examine the causes behind your decision to leave the toxic relationship as well. Keep your resolve and stick to your decision.
How to Get over a Toxic Relationship
You may suffer from depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem as a result of the aftereffects of being in a toxic relationship. Spending time alone to think and recharge is crucial.
To heal yourself from the negative effects of a toxic relationship, follow these steps as you move forward:
1. Focus on Self-Love
Give yourself the chance to demonstrate that you are deserving of love and being in a healthy relationship because it takes time for wounds to heal. Even on your darkest, most difficult days, never forget to love yourself because you are the only one who can save you. Resuming old interests in hobbies will help. You don’t need a partner to make you feel special, so go on coffee dates with yourself.
2. Feel Every Emotion
The emotions that surface after leaving a toxic relationship must be processed, no matter how overwhelming they may be. You’re free to cry and be depressed because these are typical human emotions. This could be a good time to seek help from a therapist who can mentor you, help you cope, and help you regain your sense of worth.
3. Don’t Jump into a New Relationship Prematurely
Give yourself time to recover before beginning a new relationship to prevent a rebound. Now is an important time to reflect and assess your position. It’s also a good time to reflect on your errors and decide what kind of relationship you want to devote your time to.
4. Remember It’s All Right to Not Get Closure
Moving forward without receiving closure can be challenging, but remember that everything is only temporary. Don’t wait for a toxic partner to apologize. Act like the mature person you are and let go of any resentment you might be harboring. Filling the void and empty days with something more productive, like a new hobby or new abilities, is a useful advice. Your mind will remain occupied and diverted as a result.
Final Thoughts
One of the hardest things you’ll ever have to deal with is getting over the end of a relationship when you’re still in love. Accept that it will be a difficult process and that you will feel broken for a while. Be brave.
In the interim, concentrate on your own recovery and strive to grow from the experience. Intend to be content and complete. You’ll soon be prepared to embrace the long-lasting love that is waiting for you in the future.