Although not all men lie, some do. (Women do cheat, too, though not always because they no longer care for their partners. There are other explanations for why men cheat on their partners, so this is not the only reason.
You may have come here out of general curiosity or perhaps you’re currently dealing with an unfortunate infidelity incident, but either way, you’re probably completely perplexed by the mystery surrounding a cheating man’s mindset. And when his reply to your question, “Why did you do this?” leaves you absolutely dumbfounded, you know that you’re not getting any clarity from him. He won’t just approach you and explain everything to you in detail. How then do we understand a cheating man’s mindset?
Is there a chance that the person has compulsive cheating disorder? What does the psychology of cheating in retaliation look like in men? Is there any truth to how he claims it just happened? You likely have more questions than answers, just as you did after that unpleasant argument with him.
Don’t worry; we’ve got this. Pragati Sureka, a psychologist with an MA in Clinical Psychology and professional credits from Harvard Medical School, is here to assist us in taking a close look inside the mind of a cheating man. She specializes in individual counseling using emotional intelligence tools.
Midlife Crisis and Aging
Men often begin to feel uneasy about aging as they get older. As the years pass, all of the things they have done and accomplished in life may gradually begin to lose their significance. They might be facing a midlife crisis, or have a sense of “where did my life go” ? among other things. They eventually begin to consider things that are available that they have always desired but do not yet possess. Overall, a man might experience pressure to meet the standards that society sets for him and to push himself to do more than he previously thought he was capable of. For the man trapped in this mindset, cheating begins to look appealing at this point.
This is due to the fact that cheating gives them the opportunity to momentarily feel different from themselves; it may also give them an adventure they would not otherwise be able to have. Cheating can give them the chance to take chances they otherwise wouldn’t have. It offers them the chance to temporarily get away from their regular lives and obligations. Cheating gives many men the freedom to try out new things without worrying about how others or even themselves will perceive them. A man cannot easily escape, there is no doubt about that.
Why Do Guys Cheat Even If They Love You?
Despite having wives they want and with whom they frequently have wonderful sex lives, many men still cheat on their partners. They are paired with a perfectly good woman, but they wander.
Additionally, if and when they divorce, the wife they wrote off as yesterday’s bad news is now someone else’s new perfect match.
Some of the cheating husbands give in to every opportunity, or, to put it more bluntly, every new rat in the cage.
They are constantly looking for new partners. Their brain’s reward centers are taken over by romantic relationships and sexual fantasies, and new relationships further obfuscate or impair their frontal lobes’ capacity for rational decision-making.
A Peep into the Mindset of a Cheating Man: What He Thinks
What goes through a person’s mind as they cheat? Do they comprehend how serious the situation is? Or is it true that lust can truly blinded a person into a state where “I wasn’t thinking” really does hold true? While we’re at it, is lust really the only factor in men’s affairs? Although it is challenging, it is possible to get past a cheating man’s mindset.
If he continues to cheat after being caught, as psychological facts about cheating will attest, lust isn’t the only driving force. You might have scoffed at the explanations he gave, but it’s also possible that he was unable to express his feelings because of this.
Naturally, each individual’s reasons for being unfaithful are unique. The dynamics of their relationship, their upbringing, and their worldview all have an impact on a cheating man’s mentality. In spite of this, studying the thoughts of a cheating man is fascinating, especially since it is well known that men are more likely to cheat than women. Let’s examine the psychological aspects of cheating, the function of the subconscious, potential self-talk, and the emotions that follow.
Psychological Facts About Cheating Men
If one really wants to decode what is it that goes on in his head if a man cheats more than once or understand the psychology behind cheating, it can be helpful to note the following:
- According to a study by the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy, 25% of married men have had extramarital affairs
- Some statistics support that 70% of all Americans cheat at least one time during their marital life
- As per a study quoted by the BBC, 70% of men have admitted to cheating
Now that we have established that men have a greater proclivity for cheating, let’s take a closer look at the factors that drive this need:
1. Mindset of a Cheating Man: He May Be Seeking Sexual Gratification
What goes through a man’s mind when he cheats? He may have cheated solely out of the desire for sexual gratification, which would have come as no surprise to anyone. “Usually, a cheating man has a lack of self-control in his mindset. It resembles what you see with shopaholics in that they frequently make impulse purchases and deal with the consequences later.
“A lack of self-discipline may lead him to believe that he needs to be gratified right away and he must get what he’s lusting over,” says Pragati, most people connect infidelity with sexual gratification for good reason. The need for sex is perhaps the most powerful motivator, but it certainly isn’t the only one.
2. A Midlife Crisis Or a Denial of Aging May Give Rise to Infidelity
In her book Pragati, the author discusses how a mid-life crisis can cause people to fear getting older and dying, which frequently leads to infidelity. “We are in denial about what is happening inside of us when we feel unworthy or inadequate. Engaging in destructive behaviors is the quickest solution to deal with and detach yourself from such unsettling thoughts.
“The man may believe that having a relationship with another person makes him feel powerful and attractive, which allows him to divert his attention from his midlife crisis-related fear of dying. In addition, a lot of men experience performance issues around midlife. They try to find satisfaction from another person in order to divert attention from themselves and to be able to blame their partners. They are primarily attempting to conceal their true suffering.
“By engaging in meaningful activity, therapy, or a new sport, one can cope with the loss of youth. What drives some men to infidelity depends upon the model of the value system they have, a lack of self-discipline and denial to accept what they’re going through,” she adds.
So what exactly is a cheater’s mentality? You can see that it depends on the man’s mental health and the stage of his life. It’s not surprising that infidelity is a common theme in such cases because the confusion that results from a mid-life crisis can lead people to act in ways they’ll later regret.
3. “Everyone Around Me Does It, Why Shouldn’t I?”
You probably won’t pay much attention to the people a man spends time with when searching for the telltale signs of cheating. Most people are unaware of the fact that a person’s peer group has a significant impact on how their thoughts ultimately develop.
“People are more likely to cheat if their social group is focused solely on objectifying women. That’s how easy it is. On the other hand, if you have supportive friendships with other men, where you bond over shared goals or a shared vision for life, objectifying the number of ‘scores’ or ‘hits’ you have will not act as bonding points,” says Pragati.
Therefore, do not be shocked when you discover the signs he is cheating on his phone if you have observed that his friends frequently disparage their wives when they visit your home for drinks or that one of them may even have made a lewd remark to you. All it takes to desensitize men is a toxic joke with homophobic overtones or a dubious tone when discussing women. Of the types of men who have affairs, those who say things like, “You should see what my friends do, I’m a saint in comparison”, are top of the list.
4. They May Be Trying to (unsuccessfully) Cope With a Feeling of Inferiority
“A man who cheats might have some inferiority complexes in his mind. And when someone feels lacking in a certain area, they prefer to hide it and enter a state of denial because doing so is much simpler than acknowledging the issue and taking steps to address it. .
“He may blame his partner by saying things like, “If I got what I wanted at home, I wouldn’t have been looking outside”, making that a reason for why he’s cheating. A lot of times, men who claim their partners have “gained weight” or have stopped “working on themselves”, actually don’t feel confident in their own skin,” says Pragati.
If a man cheats more than once, it’s possible that he’s not crazily in love with someone else and is instead just attempting to survive. How do dishonest people view themselves? They may be looking for validation outside of their primary relationship due to their own inadequacies, which can be seen when attempting to understand the psychology behind repeated cheating habits and patterns.
5. What Goes through a Man’s Mind When He Cheats? Family Dynamics Might Be at Play
“Some men who engage in extramarital relationships could have a history of having mothers who were extremely controlling. They might have felt physically abused, engaged in numerous contentious disputes, or felt like the underdog.
“They don’t know they can actually have an honest conversation with a woman or their partner because they had a controlling mother as children. The best thing you can do in a committed relationship is to talk to each other. But when one partner decides it’s not worth it and he’d rather look elsewhere, that’s when you can notice the warning signs of cheating,” says Pragati.
A person’s personality may end up being defined by the family dynamics they experience as they grow up. According to studies, kids who grow up in families with healthy dynamics have a better chance of becoming good partners and good parents.
Infidelity is always complicated, according to psychological facts about cheating, and there is more to consider than just one’s own thoughts. The experiences they had as children, how they were raised, and how they view romantic relationships are all factors.
6. He May Be Trying to “even the Score”
Or perhaps he’s just not happy in the relationship. Men frequently justify their behavior by blaming their relationship for not meeting their needs, according to the psychology of revenge cheating. Pragati gives us a more thorough explanation of the situation. “Many people, particularly the younger generation, believe it sends a clear message that they are unhappy in the relationship without having to explain it. They might decide to cheat in order to send a message rather than talking about what’s lacking.
“Such behavior is blatantly unaccountable and frequently explains the mindset of a cheating man. They believe they won’t need to speak because their actions will do it for them. It actually demonstrates a fear of communication as well. You don’t have to be a cheater to send a message, but a cheating man’s mindset might tell him otherwise.”
7. He May Even Be Oblivious to His Cheating
Have you ever talked about topics like sexting or text flirting with others? You may have established very clear guidelines for your monogamous relationship and boundaries for physical contact with another person. Because of his ambiguity regarding specific forms of cheating, he may inadvertently be unaware of his improper behavior.
A cheating man may not always be aware of the seriousness of the situation because of the way his mindset is geared. “A changing cultural landscape is usually the culprit behind such a scenario,” says Pragati, “One might believe that texting or flirting is harmless. Such murky areas could result from a society that is transitioning. You cannot determine what behavior is proper in those situations until you comprehend and learn about the transitions.
“Say you suddenly had to pronounce words in French. You might master the fundamental syntax, but pronunciation takes practice, right? Many people might not fully understand the negative effects of sexting, flirting via text, or any other form of cheating. They might just think it’s something cool to indulge in, or even harmless,” says Pragati.
8. Sometimes, the Mindset of a Cheating Man May Be None at All
Meaning that he might not be thinking at all, which could explain why he continues to cheat despite being caught by you several times. According to the psychological research on cheating, it is entirely possible for situational factors to cause someone to cheat, and in these circumstances, little to no planning is typically involved.
“Everything comes down to a lack of self-control. Some men have very compelling justifications for cheating, in my experience, by arguing that their needs were not met by their spouse. It shows very low self-esteem, which is something that must be addressed quickly,” says Pragati.
9. What is a Cheater’s Mentality Like? One Word: Narcissism
You shouldn’t be surprised if you discover signs that your spouse is cheating on his phone if you are aware that he or she is a narcissist. Yes, we are aware that we previously mentioned how a man’s attitude toward cheating can be affected by his level of self-esteem. On the other extreme of the spectrum, however, is a narcissistic boyfriend or husband who may obnoxiously feel that he is entitled to external sexual gratification.
“An immature mindset can also contribute to a compulsive cheating disorder. A person’s sense of entitlement might be enhanced, and they might think they can do whatever they want without facing any repercussions. A classic narcissist is bound to spell trouble in any relationship,” says Pragati.
10. a Twisted Idea of What Love is Supposed to Feel Like
If you’re dating someone who has never been in a committed relationship, they might interpret the fact that you both chose to stay home on a Saturday as a sign that things aren’t working out. “Cheating frequently results from misunderstandings about what love is supposed to feel like. In particular, in a long-term, wholesome relationship, they might not understand that love is like a slow-burning, cozy flame.
“The idea of limerence might lead some people to think that they must always experience a “rush” when they see the other person. Because of confusion between limerence and love, they may be led to believe that their relationship is lacking in certain areas,” says Pragati.
11. the Mindset of a Cheating Man After Cheating: Does He Feel Any Guilt?
When it comes to the mindset of a cheating man, the act of infidelity may have been prompted by a particular line of thought, and its aftermath may have generated a distinct set of emotions. But what happens to a cheater’s mindset after he has cheated? Do men struggle more with taking accountability?
In her career as a counseling psychologist, Pragati shares with us the things she has seen. “Most men do feel guilty about what they have done, based on what I have observed in therapy. On the other hand, the level of their justification and defenses may be absurd. When a repeat cheating psychology kicks in, he may adamantly say things like, “She’s not catering to my needs, so, it doesn’t matter”.”
Key Pointers
- A cheating man may keep cheating on you because he is affected by factors such as his upbringing and his friends
- A man with low-self esteem might also cheat because of his inherent insecurity, but so can a narcissist
- It is possible that he is going through a grave midlife crisis
“Men who don’t feel much regret have typically literally buried their own relationships. It could also be a classic instance of denial. He may not be able to accept himself if he admits what he has done, so he chooses to deny it.”
Perhaps the best course of action is to speak with the cheating man in order to figure out what is really going on in his head. But when his denial of the circumstance or poor communication skills result in hazy and ambiguous conversations, the guidelines we provided for you will undoubtedly aid in your decision-making.
If you’re in a relationship where you’re currently having trouble with infidelity, Bonobology has a large network of skilled therapists who can really help you figure out what’s going on in your head and yours.
FAQs
1. Can a Cheating Man Change and Be Faithful?
A cheating man can undoubtedly change and be faithful, according to the psychological facts about infidelity. Frequently, how he responds to infidelity will reveal what he really wants. You can tell when a cheating man truly regrets his actions and is ready to mend his ways by his willingness to work on the relationship and ensure that he is rebuilding trust.
2. What Do All Cheaters Have in Common?
It’s unlikely to be true to say that all cheaters have something in common because infidelity is frequently pursued for a wide variety of factors and reasons. Some people might not respect their marriage, while others might have an affair because of other contextual factors.
3. How Do Cheaters Feel About Themselves?
Cheaters’ perceptions of themselves are largely based on their own experiences. Among the potential outcomes, they might feel guilty or not give the relationship much thought. The way they respond to themselves after an affair is largely determined by their personalities, relationships, and mindset.
4. Do Cheaters Worry About Being Cheated On?
It is safe to assume that a cheating man may also be concerned about being cheated on when interpreting his mentality. It is still possible to feel insecure about your primary relationship even if they are cheating and involved in other relationships.