Here are 20 signs that a married man is abusing you, along with suggestions for what to do.
Being the other woman means you are constantly searching for indications that a married man is in love with you. You romanticize your connection with him, regard it as genuine love, and fervently wish he would choose you.
Why Do Women Want to Date a Married Man?
Do you know the rumor that all the good men are already taken? It may be true that all the attractive men with good jobs and some sense of responsibility got married, but it’s also possible that a married man will be more likely to exhibit those traits.
According to studies, single women find a man more attractive when they believe he is married rather than single. He must be a good guy because another woman has already given her heart to him, right?
It’s a psychological shortcut, but it also makes sense; if a woman has already invested a lot of time and energy into a relationship with a man, he probably has a lot of attractive traits.
Our preferences are constantly shaped by this social shortcut, whether we choose to purchase the same phone as our friends or visit a restaurant because of positive Yelp reviews. Even when the other party is a complete stranger, we respect their opinion.
For the majority of women, the flirting phase is the extent of that attraction. Despite the ring on his finger making him appear more attractive than he actually is, he is married, which means he is off-limits. The taboo against mate poaching is broken by some women, though, who go further.
It’s Exciting
Everything is a little bit more enjoyable when it is prohibited. It can be incredibly thrilling to sneak around, meet up for afternoon hotel room sex, and keep the whole thing a secret—for a while.
But after a few months of this, you’ll start to feel less like a secret agent and more like a criminal trying to hide their wrongdoings.
Your brain is flooded with dopamine and serotonin during the early stages of an affair, and all you can think about is your new partner.
But as your more logical brain begins to consider the implications, that infatuation quickly fades. Some people have numerous affairs in order to maintain that high.
He’s Stable
When you date a married man, you already know that he has his life together—or at least, that’s what you assume before you even get to know him. The perception is that married men are wealthier, more organized, and more mature. Those snide remarks are they true? Not exactly.
Married men tend to be older, which contributes to some of those positive traits, but age aside, the stereotype is untrue.
If a man is willing to cheat on his wife, he is introducing some pretty serious instability into his life, so he is not necessarily more stable than a single man. A stable married man wouldn’t be involved in an affair.
It Makes You Feel Special
He has everything to lose—a wife, children, a home, shared friends, and the respect of his peers—yet he still chose to be you. That makes you feel how desirable? While it might seem like a big commitment to accept that level of risk, it isn’t.
A man who is willing to end his current marriage either isn’t that invested in it or doesn’t think he’ll be caught.
You don’t really have anything to do with his willingness to take a huge risk. He’s probably prepared to have an affair with someone other than you if he’s prepared to do so.
20 Signs a Married Man is Using You
1. He Only Meets You When It Suits Him
He’s probably using you if you only ever see each other when it’s convenient for him and he frequently changes or cancels plans at the last minute.
Regardless of his obligations, a married man who is serious about you will want to make time for you.
He’s not worth your time if he can’t accomplish that.
2. He’s Never Going to Tell His Wife About You
A surefire indication that he is using you is if he never plans to tell his wife about you.
Why would he ever tell his wife if he doesn’t think you’re deserving of his time or commitment?
You’re just a dirty little secret to him, which is the harsh truth of the situation., and that’s how it’s going to stay unless you do something about it.
3. You Suspect – Or Know – He’s Seeing Other Women
If you have reason to believe or are aware that he is seeing other women, he is unquestionably taking advantage of you and those other women.
A married man who likes you will want to concentrate all of his attention on you.
If he is seeing other women, he is a “married player” who is only interested in taking care of himself, regardless of the harm he causes to others.
4. He Doesn’t Ask About How You’re Doing
He doesn’t really care if you’re doing well if he never asks how you’re doing.
A man who is interested in you will be curious about your thoughts, feelings, and current circumstances.
Yes, he is married, which creates some additional complications. But being thoughtful doesn’t require much effort, and if he cared about you, he’d be curious about you.
5. He Doesn’t Want to Talk About Personal Things
He’s keeping you at a distance if he won’t discuss matters that are intimate with you.
A man who is interested in you will want to know you better and will include you in his life.
He is obviously using you for sexual or emotional gratification if he never wants to talk about himself.
6. He Always Wants to See You at Short Notice
He may be using you as a hookup if he constantly requests last-minute dates with you.
A man who is interested in you will want to schedule things in advance so that he is not pressuring you to change plans.
It’s a sign that all he wants to do is use you for his convenience if he only ever contacts you at the last minute and expects you to stop what you’re doing.
7. You Catch Him Out Telling Lies
If you catch him lying, it means he’s attempting to influence what you know about him and what he’s telling you.
A man who is interested in you and values you will want to be open with you so that he can gain your trust.
He may be using you and has no regard for your feelings or wellbeing if he consistently lies to you.
8. He Disappears for Long Periods
It’s clear that he isn’t really interested in you if he disappears for extended periods of time.
A man who is interested in you will want to communicate with you and will try to remain in your life.
Who knows what he’s up to if he disappears for days or weeks at a time; however, one thing is certain: he isn’t demonstrating any sign of concern for you.
9. He Gets Angry When You Suggest Moving Things Forward
Indicators that he doesn’t want to commit to you include anger when you suggest moving things along.
A man who is interested in you will be open to the idea of moving things along and won’t have any issues talking to you about it.
His defensiveness and willingness to put his marriage, reputation, and other interests ahead of your feelings are demonstrated by his anger or irritation.
10. He Forgets About Key Dates
It’s a sign that you aren’t really a priority in his life if he disregards significant dates that are significant to you.
A man who is interested in you will try to remember important dates like your birthday and anniversaries.
Forgetting these things demonstrates his lack of concern and how unimportant you are to him.
11. He’s Always Letting You Down
A sign that you are not really a priority in his life is if he consistently let’s you down.
A man who is interested in you will try to fulfill his commitments and will make every effort to carry out his plans.
It demonstrates how little respect he has for you and how he is taking advantage of you if he frequently breaks agreements or cancels plans.
12. He’s Asks for a Lot But Gives Nothing Back
One of the telltale signs that one person is using another is when they constantly ask for favors but never reciprocate.
In a relationship with a married man, it is not any different. There are no justifications for this conduct.
It demonstrates how egotistical he is and how little he cares about you if he is only ever taking and never giving.
13. He Makes You Feel Bad About Yourself
A married man who makes you feel bad about yourself is attempting to control your feelings.
He would want to encourage you and give you a sense of self-worth if he truly cared about you.
If he constantly criticizes you, it’s a sign he’s trying to control you and get you to act in ways that suit him.
14. It’s Just Physical, There is No Romance
It’s a clear indication that he is only interested in you physically if there doesn’t seem to be any romantic interest between the two of you.
It may have been this way when you two first started dating, but circumstances can change over time, so there’s no reason to stick with it.
It’s time to stop if you don’t want to be used to satisfy his physical needs.
15. He Tries to Buy Your Silence
He is attempting to keep you from telling anyone if he has ever tried to buy your silence with gifts.
He might believe that if he buys you enough things, you won’t speak up as much out of fear of losing his generosity.
You don’t have to put up with it, but it’s a common strategy used by married men to continue having affairs.
16. He Won’t Commit to Anything
A sign that he does not see you as a part of his future is if he is unwilling to make a long-term commitment.
This could be in reference to your romantic relationship or even just general future plans.
Even if he claims he doesn’t want to make any promises, it’s not a good sign if he won’t even bring up the future.
17. You Just Get the Feeling He Doesn’t Care About You
It’s likely true if you have a gut feeling that he doesn’t care about you.
Despite the fact that you might not be able to pinpoint the cause, follow your gut on this one.
It’s likely that he is using you in exactly the way that you feel he is.
The more items on the above list you can check off and the more evasive he is when questioned, the more it is obvious that this person is taking advantage of you.
18. He Wants You to Be Completely Faithful
Let’s settle this now. By now, everyone is aware that this man is married. I won’t go into specifics about his marriage right now because we can never know what takes place when no one is looking.
He is, however, already involved in a committed relationship, so that much is certain. The truth is that he isn’t loyal to his wife, but in a strange way, he isn’t loyal to you either, so long as he stays by their side.
But he expects loyalty from you. Not just with other guys who are willing to sleep with you.
He anticipates that you will conduct yourself in a serious manner. He forbids you from using dating apps or going on dates, and he even becomes envious if you talk about your male coworkers or best friends.
This man behaves as though you are his property, despite the fact that you must live with his wife. What’s even worse is that you agree to these terms and conditions, which is just how absurd this all is.
19. No Meaningful Conversations
Let’s continue asking questions. The question is this: When was the last time you engaged in meaningful conversation with him? Naturally, I’m referring to the subjects that do not affect him.
You have no opportunity to discuss your private life. He never has time to talk to you about your feelings because he is always too busy.
The bottom line is that he’s probably there for one thing only: the physical pleasure you give him. At the same time, you give him the approval he so desperately wants.
He never offers you advice, stays out of your problems, and never expresses interest in what you have to say. Even when he does listen to you, he doesn’t focus on what you’re saying.
Since this is unquestionably how a loving, healthy relationship should appear, aren’t all of these indications that he only wants to sleep with you?
20. He Accuses You of Seducing Him
Have you ever questioned how married men are able to carry on extramarital affairs? Actually, it’s quite simple: they persuade their wives that it wasn’t their fault.
Your lover behaves exactly like this. He acts as though you were the one who seduced him even though you are a single woman and he is the cheater.
That sure is practical. It appears as though you coerced him into being with you, which is not the case at all.
The bottom line is that he kills two birds with one stone. In the first place, he absolves himself of guilt and is free to carry on acting in the same way.
Second, he attributes all responsibility to you. If you take him at his word, you wind up destroying your mental well-being because you can’t help but feel bad for hurting the feelings of some helpless woman.
Let me explain this, if you will. He is the one wearing the wedding ring here, the one breaking his vows, and the one to blame for this mess—even though you bear some of the blame for it.
The Reality of Dating a Married Man
What will this affair look like now that you have identified every red flag that a married man is on the prowl?
Will he buy you a gold necklace for your birthday and send you flowers every week, or will you only receive late-night emoji texts asking for a booty call? When you date a married man, your romantic life might resemble this.
It’ll Start Strong
Because it’s how they met their wives in the first place, most married men are skilled at wooing women.
During the first few months of the relationship, you can anticipate a barrage of compliments, presents, and fun nights out—just not near his house or any places his friends frequent. Both of you find the relationship intoxicating, and he’ll tell you he’s never felt more alive than during this affair.
The Consequences Start to Weigh on Him
The thrill of sneaking around wears off after a while and turns into a challenge. He has more opportunities to be caught the more often he is seen in public.
He’s on edge whenever he’s with you because his wife might already be developing suspicions. He might become angry with you as a result of the stress and accuse you of causing his crippling anxiety.
He Walks Out on You Or His Wife
Eventually, the affair breaks him, and he either gets a divorce or returns to his wife. Both of these are not excellent choices for you.
The stigma associated with dating a married man will be left to you alone if he returns to his wife. You might not have wanted a serious relationship with him in the first place if he were to leave his wife because you would be seen as a home wrecker.
Being with him might be incredibly dull if there isn’t the thrill of a forbidden affair. The best course of action for you is to avoid ever getting close to a married man in the first place.
Should You Break Off Your Affair If He’s Using You?
Particularly if you’ve been seeing a married man for a while, ending an affair is difficult.
He might have given you reason to believe there is a future for the two of you and you might have strong feelings for him.
It’s crucial to understand that he won’t change if he has been using you all along, though.
You deserve better than to be someone’s second choice, and you deserve to be with someone who is totally dedicated to you.
If you’re unsure whether to end your relationship, consider whether you’re content to be his last resort.
How Do You Know If a Married Man is Unhappy in His Marriage?
What’s the harm in dating a man who is already unhappy in his marriage and is likely to leave it soon? In addition to the previously mentioned problems, it’s not always simple to determine whether a man is content with his marriage.
He might be having a difficult time with his wife and going through a short-lived midlife crisis. If you plan to date a married man and don’t want to ruin an otherwise successful relationship, you must be certain that he desires to end his marriage. These are among the clearest signs that he is prepared to leave his wife.
He Finds Excuses to Be Away from Home
Family life can occasionally be interfered with by work and other commitments, but these are only temporary issues. If a man consistently stays late at work, even when his boss isn’t hovering over him, then his marriage is in trouble. He probably won’t stay married for very long if he spends half of his nights out with his single friends.
He Tells His Friends to Never Get Married
This is never a good sign, even if he’s joking. Men who are content with their marriages are supportive of their friends who are committed to one another.
Since it feels more natural to interact with other couples, he should be pleased to learn that his friend is getting married. He is regretting getting married if he advises other men not to do so.
He’s Lost His Spark
A happy marriage should constantly uplift a man’s spirits and give him the vigor to achieve his goals. He will lose energy in a bad marriage, and it will seem like a life of domestic drudgery. This can lead to depression and anxiety, which he might try to get rid of by having a relationship.
Making the Leap to An Affair
You shouldn’t take the decision to have an affair with a married man lightly. Both parties stand to lose a lot, and there aren’t many advantages for you that a man who is available wouldn’t offer.
Typically, the man is suffering from an emotional void and only requires a short-term remedy. He’ll probably leave his wife or find a new partner to begin an affair once you’ve filled that void.
Can a Relationship Coach Help You?
Are you seeking more precise guidance? If you talk to a relationship coach, it might be helpful.
Relationship counselors can assist you in solving a variety of unique problems, such as ghosting, breakups, and how to win your ex back.
I can highly recommend Relationship Hero because I am a licensed psychologist. This website has highly qualified experts who can assist you in any romantic situation.
Conclusion
No woman should ever experience being used by a man.
Only receiving booty calls, never discussing commitment, and failing to establish a strong bond with your spouse are all indications that you are being used in a relationship.